48 days... the clock is ticking!!!!

So I used to have this plan for my life, it went along the lines of married by 25 and kids by 28, and now I am bordering on 29 and neither of these two things have come into fruition. I often sit here and wonder how my life went astray from my finely laid plans and how different things would be if I had have followed that path, but then I remember that I have an amazing rack thats hasnt been sucked dry by a parasite  child and I am free to do as I please and I stop wondering about the what ifs and be happy with the have gots. 

In the opening post of this blog I mused my desire to find the "spark", here is a bit of background information for you. In my life I have only had three serious relationships but many more let downs, disappointments and many many amusing memories along the way. I was once told that things fail, to hold us for what we should actually have. You take something from every person you meet and I was obviously meant to have them in my life for some reason... so here they are 

Boy Number 1 - Ronald McDonald 

I was a late bloomer in the relationship stakes, I met my first boyfriend in ToysRUs when I was just finishing high school. He is a Tall red head (this is what possibly started my uncanny love for the gingers) lifeguard surfer who I went out with for just under a year, he was my first everything and because of that he was my very narrow minded world. We were young and outgrew each other and thats ok. He was the start of my interest in tattoos 

Boy Number 2 - Flat Pack from Ikea

I used to go to Tafe with a young lad called Hayden, I was looking for a job and he helped me out. When I started working he told me about this guy that he thought I would love and assured me that we would get along really well. First night on the job this tall blonde guy comes trundelling down the hill towards us and I would like to say it was love at first sight, but sadly it wasn't, I wondered why his head was so big and if he was possibly deformed (thats a bit harsh actually, I don't really mean that totally). Over the next few weeks I started to take an interest in this boy, my love affair for him was ignited and my hatred for Rotor engines followed not long after. I chased him for months and months and we couldn't get our act together and finally after about 8 months, he cooked me Ravioli and kissed me in his driveway at 6am and that was the end of that. No one was surprised when we announced we were together, apparently everyone but us could see it the whole time.

He can also be to blame for the scary trend of me being able to pull guys after vomiting. Think a lovely dinner his mum had made, me getting a sudden bought of Gastro and spending the next few hours in his toilet turning myself inside out. This was early on in our chase before we were offical, his mum never made Chilli Con Carne again and he still wanted to go out with me. Great Success... 

We were together for 5 years and had plans of grandure for life. We loved, we fought, we got a cat and he was my best friend. To this day I am still convinced that my parents love him more than me, he is the good looking Dutch Model son that they always wanted and never got. He was my life plan, it was on track but I woke up one day and realised that the plan wasn't the right thing for me. We went our separate ways and after being apart for 5 years we are friends still (if he ever remembers to text me back!!!!!) Really it is a good thing we broke up because the idea of pushing out a baby with a head as big as his scares me!!!

Boy Number 3 - Tattooed Army Brat 

I met him, I knew he was going to try and kiss me but I decided early on that I wouldn't let that happen, cue a lot of cider later and apparently I changed my mind and we kissed in the back of the taxi (his recollection of this story is different to mine and thinks I kissed him but I don't believe this for a second) . He stole my bed and my pillows and I was forced to sleep on the small couch, I ended up getting a migraine because of this and as stealthy as I thought my vomiting was, he heard me and looked after me for the next few hours until I felt better. If you can vomit in front of someone and they still ask for your number then you know you are doing something right. I fell deeply in love with him very quickly and it was a fairy tale while it lasted. 

I blame him totally for my addiction to killer kicks, designer high heels and tattoos. His influence is the reason that all future potential mother in laws will probably dislike me, who wants a tattooed daughter in law because just think of what the neighbours would say? 18 months have passed and we are slowly being friends. Its nice to have a medical professional in easy contact because as we know, I am Captain Retard

Why 48 Days?

So this takes me to today, and it was brought to my attention that this year is infact a leap year and ladies you know what that means!!!! on the 29th of February it is totally acceptable to ask a guy to marry you (he can still obviously say no though, but I am sure he wouldnt dare), so the hunt is on. I have 48 days to find myself a suitable husband candidate who I can ask to marry me and live happily ever after. If I dont do it by the 29th I then have to wait another 4 full whole years before I get another chance. Disaster!!!! by then I will be 32.5 and no doubt my boobs would have sagged and then no one will love me. Time is running out  

A few years ago I was chatting to my friend and she said that I should put out to the universe the kind of guy that I was after, so I got out my crayons and got creative and this is what I came up with 

This was back in 2009 and I wonder if my list of desires has changed at all. Now I think I can add these things to the list as my tastes have developed with age 

- Possibly High Vis Wearing - I for the life of me can not understand this strong fetish (for want of a better word) that I have at the moment. Maybe I like my men to be hard working and dirty?

- Facial Hair is growing on me - face fuzz used to be a big turn off but I am slowly coming around to the way of the beard, because if your dad doesnt have a beard, you have two mums

Heard Mr Reynolds is back on the market, call me ;)

- A possible love for hip hop - would make things a whole heap easier, then we wouldnt fight over the stereo. Plus they generally dress well and have good shoes

Suffa wanna marry me?

- Tattoos - Being so tattooed myself I think I need someone tattooed that will understand what its all about, also they should get the kind of attention that I attract, its not easy being this amazing. Also for once I would like to hook up with someone that is more tattooed than I am, hmmm maybe that should have been one of my new years resolutions 

This one would do just perfectly 

But I guess first and fore most I am after someone that loves me for me but I guess I cant really push my luck with these things. So I am on the hunt, I shall have to move quickly like a Puma through the jungle (well I guess its kinda true because I do like them young) and see what I can get myself. 

And any of you ladies that are keen to join my crusade, use your crayons and put it out to the universe... 

Love and Marriage 

Miss K 

P.S to all the boys out there and anyone that actually might think I am being serious, 60% of the time, all the time I am pulling the piss. I think that this is part of that 60%