Let me set the scene for you, its a normal day at work, just like any other normal day, and after a few cups of tea and your recommended daily intake of water its time to empty your bladder, you wander into the toilet cubicle and as you look down "shock horror" there is a pubic hair that has taken residence on the seat. This happened to me today and I didnt know whether to be repulsed or otherwise in the situation (well actually I was a bit repulsed) and on returning to my desk, I mused my findings on Facebook in the form of a comical statement and it appears to have brought up some conjecture on the hair down there issue. Apparently pubic hair is a highly debatable subject and its one that appears to interest me for some sick and twisted reason. So here is it, my thoughts on the hair on your mummy/daddy parts (or the lack there of as may possibly be the case)
The Evolution of my Pubic Hair
I guess seeing this blog is about me I should tell you about the evolution of my lady garden (if you dont want to read this section, please feel free to skip to the next section, I wont be offended at all). Like all developing girls hair started to grow down there, at first it was gross and strange and then I guess it just became a part of the landscape and I forgot about it. As I started to become interested in boys there was some landscaping in the form of courtesy trims and normal bikini waxes, though at this stage of my life my vagina was shy and I had this thing in my head that I couldn't go to the same waxer twice because what if she got to familiar with my vagina. Do you know how hard it is to find a good waxer? Its pretty hard let me give you the tip. I still laugh about those days
Slowly over the years I got more and more taken off with each wax and then the Brazilian became the buzz word. Let me tell you the idea of having a lady pour hot wax on my little man in the boat terrified the fuck out of me (and it still does every month) and I was adverse to the idea for a long time. My waxer suggested one day that I may as well do it because I was nearly there anyway, so after some probing I decided to give it a bash. I was 25 at this point and now at 28.5 I haven't looked back. Every month I trudge myself down to the beautician, let her put hot wax on me and then proceed to rip half my vagina off, and while it does hurt like buggery there is nothing like the feeling when you walk out all clean and fresh, its kinda like putting clean sheets on your bed.
Whats your Style?
While I was googling for research (and by googling, for once I dont mean looking at porn) I came across this list of different possible hair styles you can have for your garden (who knew there was so many?)
- The Afro Not confined to heads, it seems.
- The Arrow A Brazilian strip, with an arrowhead on the bottom – presumably in case that special someone needs a little help finding their way home.
- The Bikini Bottom/Bikini Line Just a little tidying really – hair remains giving the effect of a bikini bottom shape when viewed from the front (excuse me for being dense but don't they all look like that anyway?)
- The Brazilian The most famous popular pubic hair style of them all... Removing all but a very thin strip down the centre.
- The Cardshark Hair is removed to leave a playing card design. Hearts, diamonds and spades are popular but clubs rarely sported. And apparently it's not the done thing to centralise the design – it should be to one side of centre.
- The Charlie Chaplin A horizontal strip like a Chaplin moustache. Also called the Hitler or Adolf.
- The French Removing a strip of hair both sides – less dramatic than a Brazilian.
- The Hollywood/Lolita/Kojak/Yuk Brynner All gone. Nada.
- The Isosceles This is a triangular version of the French.
- The Landing Strip Referred to in Military circles as the Runway. Wider than a Brazilian, narrower than a French. It's all in the width…
- The MC Hammer Chevrons, as seen on the famous eyebrow. And no, your third eye is on your FOREHEAD...
- The Mohawk Or, as they say in Japan, the Beckham Mohawk… About the same width as a Brazilian or slightly wider. What's in a name anyway?
- The Patchouli All over the place, au naturelle. Also called the Rasta, and the Madonna.
- The Princess Cut A vertical oval shape like an American Football or Rugby Ball.
and out of all of those on that list I think that people possibly only have a problem with the Brazilian or the Hollywood. Some people say it makes boys think that they are having intimate relations with a child. Just putting it out there that when you get old all your hair down there will fall out so maybe these guys are actually fantasizing about what unthinkables they would be doing to Miss Mavis (honestly its true, why do you think they use nanna rugs?). Another point to think about is that some boys find it slightly difficult to navigate their way around, so hair is just another obstacle that they don't want to deal with, its like driving into the sun with a dirty windscreen. Honestly people stop trying to put meaning into things that have no meaning
Oh Miss Mavis you minx
Is the Brazilian Expected?
With the internet, streaming porn and strip clubs hairless vagina is everywhere, so this has got me thinking, If this is all that is projected is it thought to be the norm? Are the men of today spoilt and greedy? As a woman I cant really answer this question but part of me thinks that it is expected of girls today, but I dont know a guy that would turn down a bit of something something just because of a bit of covering (but in saying that really by the time the girl has taken their pants off it could possibly be past the point of no return). I have a feeling that girls are possibly more fixated about the issue than guys are.
Recently I had the pleasure of meeting an amazing guy who I connected with and I ended up spending the night at his house, I don't know what came over me but I was so stressed about the situation that I ended up blurting out my faults before he had a chance to find them himself (I still dont know why I did this). It had been about 6 weeks since my last wax (hey dont Judge I had just gotten back from Japan) and I was wearing bridget jones slimming knickers. Needless to say I was mortified by the situation and he just laughed at me and told me it was fine. And I honestly think that it was, girls make a big deal out of these things when really possibly they dont need to (or possibly it had gotten past the point of no return so he was in for the count... hmmmm)
I asked a few of my friends in the writing of this post and while they said they preferred it to be bare or with a small landing strip, they all said as long as it was neat and maintained they didnt care
NEWS FLASH!!!! Pubic Hair can be detrimental to ones health. And I aint even making this shit up, I have a close friend who reg-ails me with stories of his amusing sexual exploits and this one story always sticks in my mind and makes me giggle. One fine evening, he met a lovely specimen of a lady creature and after some dinner and dancing (this may not have happened... but I am sure he was a gentleman none the less) they made their way back to his boudoir for a spot of light adult entertainment. Being a safety concious young lad he had tarped up for the occasion (remember kids, if its not on, its not on) and away they went. See ordinarily this would have been the end of the story, but on this particular occasion the lovely female in question had a rather unkempt nether region (think slashing through a thick overgrown forrest to get the clearing with the stream). From my understanding (and his) of the situation her hair had folded over (possibly engulfed) and was rubbing between the condom and her vaginal lips. For any of you that may not know this about adult relations, there is (or should be) a fair bit of movement involved and this causes some friction and the offending hairs ended up burning a hole through the condom and abraised the bejesus out of his throbbing member* (mid shaft, right side, thankfully no permanent marks, or so he assures me). I dont know about you but abrasions and bleeding genitals aren't high on my list of fun things to do.
This could have been the chic....
This is possibly where I may have double standards and I may be alone in this one but if a guy doesnt have any hair down there it looks kind of strange. Apparently if you get rid of the hair it makes your cock look bigger, trust me lads, it may make it look bigger but it wont make it feel any bigger... if you get my drift. I think the same rules apply for guys as they do for girls, keep it maintained and you will have no problems, You dont want hair in your teeth and neither does she. If you dont keep your shit in check, the hello head job may be the only head job that you get.
Just a note below pro tip, if you do want to manscape and go bare, make sure you shave your snail trail as well. While the snail train can be incredibly sexy, its kinda pointless if it doesnt lead to anything and just stop abruptly. She might get lost on her way down and you dont want that awkward silence of being lost
Pubic Hair - Your Public Choice
At the end of the day, the way you choose to wear you "hair" is totally up to you. If you want to rock the 70s porn star muff I commend you (and some guys like that, there are special areas of porn just for them), if a short back and sides is more your style I support you and if you are like me and like to bare it all then I high 5 you. Who knows what the style will dictate in 10 years time, but just keep it in the back of your mind, that at the end we will all be wearing our nanna rugs together
Love and Smoothness
Miss K
P.S The merkin (a vagina wig) was officially included in the Oxford Dictionary in 1617 and was originally worn by hookers to cover the signs of lice and venereal disease
*Disclaimer* I would like to strongly point out that I have not seen this young mans penis, he proof read his section and got upset when I called it "his little man" so throbbing member it is. Apparently he tells me its a glorious sight
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